If I Were The Cartel
Recited by Brian Davis
If I Were The Cartel

    If I were The Cartel, I would supply all the money The Devil could ever need.  I wouldn't go out and work for money honestly, but rather I would get rid of honest money first.  I would trivialize Silver, by reducing it to the role of buying cigarettes and bubble gum.  I would start my own private bank and name it for what it is not.  I would outlaw the ownership of Gold, confiscating it for myself and for my best buddy Satan.  I would even assassinate a president, should he ever try to bring our country's original Silver money back.  If I were The Cartel, I would stop minting Silver Coins, letting Gresham's Law affect their total removal.  To keep supply adequate for demand, I would bribe Miner CEOs to produce Silver, no matter what the loss.
    Should the price of Silver ever start to rise, I would suppress demand.  I would use the Crime-X demons to create three hundred fold the number of synthetic ounces of Silver as actually exists on the planet.  I would start other fake versions of real money too, such as SLV and GLD.  I would dilute precious metals demand by selling them Bitcoins.  I would explain to them that they are mining when all they are actually doing is running a computer program.  I would lie and deceive until I was the richest, the middle class was poor, and the poor were poorer.
    In other words, if I were The Cartel, I'd just keep right on doing what The Cartel is doing.
Brian Davis; Good Day!

A parody of If I Were The Devil, by Paul Harvey
Written on 8-17-2018 by Brian Davis